A Mother's Journey

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was born on May 9, 1996. He, so very appropriately, came home with me on Mother’s Day. I knew from a very early age that Sean was very special, that he was an “old soul.” Even as a young boy, he had tremendous wisdom and compassion. I called him my little hippie because he looked forward to the day when he could start driving, get his own van, and decorate it with shag rugs, beads and musical knick knacks. He told me he would need it to drive his band to all of their gigs.

I have so many beautiful memories of this boy who was growing into an extraordinary young man. This past year at High Tech High, I saw him blossoming and coming into his own. He has a very strong self-identity and is very comfortable in his own skin. He has an incredible sense of humor and wit. When he was in grade school, on sharing day, he would always bring a joke book to read to the class. Most of the kids wouldn’t get the jokes, but he always did and he wanted to share that laughter and humor with his friends. He has been like that throughout his life. He loved to show me and Kyle video clips of comedians and other things that he found funny and we would all laugh and laugh until tears came down our faces and our stomachs would hurt.

Many of you know that Sean is a very accomplished musician and that he is extremely passionate about guitar. He loves all kinds of music from all different eras. I was so amazed and pleased to actually see him sing karaoke for the first time a few weeks ago – he sang the Final Countdown, of all things. But the most powerful sense I have of Sean is his tenderness. I can tell you this story because I know that even as a 15 year old boy, he will not be embarrassed by it. At night when I would go into his room to say good night, I would kiss him, tell him I love him and start to leave his room. As he laid there in his bed, he would reach his arms out to me and say, “Mama,” then pat his bed as the signal for me to come and lay down with him. So I would always take that opportunity no matter how late it was or how tired I was. He would open his arms and I would lay my head down on his shoulder and he would hold me close to him. I could hear his heartbeat so strong and steady. Then, with his free hand, he would pick up his remote control for his cd player and switch it on. We would lay there together and listen to John Lennon singing Imagine and we would both softly sing along. Then when the song ended, we would hug tightly, kiss and say goodnight, and then he would be ready to go to sleep.

This is my tribute to you, Sean, my wise and compassionate old soul.

A Video of Sean Robert

July 1, 2011

I give the world nothing
Because I don’t have anything
That this world needs.
Sometimes I feel useless,
like a pencil with no lead
or a dead battery.

I have nothing but my soul,
But I’m getting rid of that as soon as
the devils check clears.
But I didn’t deserve it anyway.
Because we have become the most
and ruthless creatures on this planet.
We were given the privilege to be
the most successful animals in this world,
but we abused it and now the world
is ripping itself to pieces because it can’t
stand letting us live a day longer,
and the sun has turned away because it
can’t bear to watch,
and the moon and all the planets
are cringing at the sight of another
planet getting destroyed,
and they just have to sit there and watch,
feeling hopeless to do anything.
A feeling that I am very well
acquainted with.

If ask me the same question
in about 25 years, I will
tell you the same answer.

I don’t give anything to the world.
Not because I don’t have anything to give,
But because I choose not to give this world anything.
Because I have seen this worlds true face,
and it is not pretty.
This world is a jungle.
The rain-forest, once beautiful,
but slowly burning to the ground.
The world doesn’t deserve what I have to give,
no matter how small and insignificant it may be.
This world is like a black hole,
It takes what we have to give and gives nothing back.
Until this world learns to change into a better place,
It deserves nothing.
The only thing that lets me sleep at night is
knowing that there are still a few good people out there
even though they are out numbered by the bad.

I only want to give the world one thing,
I want to change it.
To change it into what we all want it to be.
So we can all stop fighting and killing,
and start loving.
I want to turn the world on its head.
That’s all I want to give this world.
I know it might sound like I’m complaining,
but I’m just telling it like I see it.

I don’t care if I go down in history.
I don’t care if I am remembered.
But if I am,
I hope that its for a good reason


When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

-- Jimi Hendrix

I am prepared to die, but there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill.

-- Mahatma Gandhi


I want you to make love, not war.

-- John Lennon

All you need is love.

-- John Lennon

For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.

-- Carl Sagan

Donation Info

To make a tax-deductable contribution, please make checks payable to:

Sean & Kyle Imagine Fund
c/o The San Diego Foundation
2508 Historic Decatur Road #200
San Diego, CA 92106

This charitable fund is being established to promote and pursue the positive changes that Sean and Kyle made in this world and that they will continue to make through the love, compassion and wisdom they are generating through their souls by embracing all of us and the universe.